Tuesday, August 13, 2013
coping with bittersweet milestones
In yoga we are taught that the root of suffering is attachment. This doesn't mean not caring about the people/places/things in your life. Living in the present moment, letting go, and identifying with the inner true Self, that shared collective energy (some call God), can reduce the suffering in your life. The quote by Rumi resonated with me when I came across it by chance tonight. Perhaps master yogis would say, "life in balance is learning to let go." How does a parent handle non-attachment?
As a new mother I never thought my heart would ache as much as it does to see my son grow up. Of course, all parents want to see their children healthy and thriving. But there is something terribly bittersweet as your child passes each developmental milestone. Time goes insanely fast on baby-time and I feel each day is a celebration and mourning.
I am certain that infertility compounds this bittersweet dichotomy. I waited over four years to get this sweet baby boy in my arms. And now in a mere 4 months he is trying his hardest to scoot around on the floor and grow up on me. Although I feel like I am doing a good job living in the present moment, milestones are met with a cheer and a tear. Somehow I must not be totally in the moment and I need to continue to search for where that moment-leak is at. Why do I hang on so hard? Is it the fear that life will never be as good as it is at this very moment?
I hypothesize that the only way to reduce this pain is to somehow fully accept and live in the present moment, meditate, and to not be attached to my son in his little body but instead to see him as his big Self. This is a lesson I am trying to learn daily and hope that I learn gently.
Have you ever felt this bittersweet feeling and how do you cope? Please comment below for other mothers searching for guidance and comfort.